We Who Wrestle with God
Week 39 of Being 31
Welcome again to my public journal—a space to vent my thoughts and ideas and, hopefully, give someone a new perspective or a dash of hope for their day. Yesterday (Friday), I spent the entire day essentially behind the wheel. Yet much of my time was spent in silence; as I drove the winding roads that would take me to and from Las Cruces, New Mexico, I was led through Cloudcroft. Taking this route takes you through portions of Lincoln National Park. With pine trees towering overhead, I spent much time in quiet meditation. I have also started reading Jordan Peterson’s newest book, “We Who Wrestle with God,” and so on. I found myself pausing the book and doing my own wrestling with God. I hope to share more thoughts on the book when I finish it, but I can say I do recommend it. To my knowledge, Peterson is not a Christian, but I have watched and followed him, as well as the work of his wife (Tammi) and his daughter (Mikhaila), and over the years, their family has transformed in many ways. I admire them and pray one day I can meet them, whether on earth or in heaven above. Through his work, Dr Peterson has helped me through many seasons of my wrestling, and I am grateful to him for his work.
Despite that, Dr Peterson has not publically confessed his belief. One of the things that I have always admired about him is that, in many ways, I have heard him speak of the Bible with love and admiration, and I feel many professing Christians lack. I include myself in that statement. The title of his newest book contains an idea with which I deeply resonate. We all share the experience of “wrestling with God” to varying degrees. We all have faced disappointment of some sort; we have all had unmet expectations we placed on God or even people, yet we blame God all the same. Many of us have made a desperate prayer to God, begging Him for an answer to our prayer and asking Him to answer it the way WE want it answered. I remember doing this back in 2019 after the ending of a 4 year relationship. Desperate for a solution and desperate for Him to answer my prayer as I wanted, I remember making Him all sorts of promises that I would have undoubtedly failed to keep.
Also, during those desperate moments of life, we rarely think clearly or rationally, so God's beauty is that He does not give us things just because we want or ask for them. He gives us that which is truly the BEST for us, which may often mean that we don’t get the answer we wanted to our prayers. There is no prayer that we pray that goes unanswered. It is merely that often, the answer to those prayers may not be what we wanted. Yet our Father in Heaven does not give us bad gifts; often, the things we ask for will not be for our ultimate good. But also, God will not override others' personal autonomy for the sake of our prayers; he will not curse someone else for the sake of “blessing” us. Because we have such a limited grasp and even capability of understanding the will of God, we can ultimately not understand why He does what He does. And even if He did tell us, our human facilities would not be capable of understanding it.
Thinking through this, I am reminded of God's closing statement to Job in the book of Job.
38: Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said:
2 “Who is this that obscures my plans
with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.4 “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6 On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone—
7 while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels shouted for joy?
This is but a few verses of the entire reply from God. I would encourage you to read it for yourself in full. The point I am making here is that God, we do not have the capacity even to begin to grasp the workings of God. Many might read this and think God is unkind for this response. I don’t see that; God, in His kindness, has granted Job a glimpse into the complexity of heaven, which we can not even begin to fathom. He does not hide these things from us, but instead, He is merciful in the fact that He does not expect us to grasp the reasoning for what He does.
The Book of Job is a book of poetry, and it is incredible in the truth that it gives us to reckon with. This book tells the story of a man who wrestled deeply with God. Job was seen as a truly good and righteous man, and so many of us would think that he did not deserve to suffer as he did, yet he did suffer all the same. Some have argued that Job was not a literal figure who existed; I do not truly care whether he was or not. But let's say that he was, let’s say he was a man who existed. And through God's providence, his story was preserved for you and me to read now.
What an incredible testimony of God’s love, not to waste Job's suffering but to preserve it so that “What the enemy meant for evil, God would use for good.” Where the enemy sought to destroy one man, God would use it instead to save and give hope to millions for generations. How many thousands have found hope in their suffering because of Job's story? How many millions have found God through the faithful suffering of the Saints?
Often, we can not see the why behind the seasons we find ourselves in. Often, our wrestling can leave us feeling defeated or maybe we even find ourselves feeling like a failure because we do question the goodness of God, because we find that we do continue to wrestle with Him.
May this post give you hope that God does not love you any less and that He is not disappointed in you because you wrestle with Him. In its way, it is good. Because in the process of wrestling, we are in the arms of God. We may push at Him or sometimes seek to pull away from Him, but when we come to the end of ourselves, and we find we have nothing left and our energy to wrestle has been spent, He will embrace us and comfort us.
The Christmas season can often be challenging for many, each for their own reasons, leaving us feeling alone and maybe abandoned by God. Trust that He is still at work. Wrestle with Him, and He will draw near to you. He is not afraid of your questions or your anger. He has called all those who are weary and heavy-laden to come to Him, and He promises He will give you rest. Often, the holiday season can remind us of unmet expectations and the loss of someone we love. We face anxieties in the family we will see or the conversations that may need to be had. We wrestle with the question of why. Good. God will meet you there.
Merry early Christmas, my friends. I pray you can find hope in this as we come closer to this most wonderful time of the year, and may that hope spur you on. Our Father in Heaven loves us and gives and has given us the greatest gift of all: Himself.